Est. 1914 // Australian Suburban Defence Command
Field Marshal Claude von Suburb-Defender stands ready to devise a comprehensive WWI-style defense strategy for your beloved territory. Simply identify your suburb, and receive a tactical masterpiece of absurd military precision.
WAR ROOM ESSENTIALS: Command Centre Setup
Whiteboards • Red String • Push Pins • Laminated Maps • Ergonomic War Chairs
$249
Free marker set included
*Conspiracy wall aesthetic sold separately. We cannot be held responsible for what you connect with red string.
Comprehensive WWI-style defense strategies for your suburb, complete with trench positions and supply lines.
Watch two rival suburbs clash in simulated warfare. Toorak vs Swan View? Gladioli vs Bogans? Place your bets.
Real Australian weather affects battles! Melburnians thrive in rain, Queenslanders melt below 25°C. Check the forecast before you fight.
Rapid-fire threat assessments that brutally roast any suburb. No survivors. No mercy. Just laughs.
Know something hilarious about your suburb? Submit local stereotypes for the Field Marshal's consideration.
Interactive maps showing defensive positions, supply lines from local cafes, and danger zones.
Identify which local demographics make the best troops. The yoga mums? The tradies? The hipsters?
Study legendary historical battles like Collingwood vs Carlton. Learn from the greatest suburban conflicts.
Every suburb deserves a war song. From operatic hymns to punk rock battle cries. Sing for victory!
Secret suburbs and hidden battles await those who know the codes. Summer Bay? Springfield? Keep searching...
Enter your Australian suburb name. Our intelligence database contains comprehensive data on suburban demographics, landmarks, and known stereotypes.
Review neighbouring suburbs identified as potential hostile territories. Select specific rivals to focus your defensive efforts.
Field Marshal von Suburb-Defender generates a comprehensive WWI-style defense plan complete with trench positions, supply lines, and propaganda campaigns.
Review an interactive strategic map showing all defensive positions, danger zones, and logistical routes overlaid on your suburb.
“The hipsters of Brunswick shall form the 1st Artisanal Grenadiers, armed with vintage typewriters and cold-brew Molotov cocktails...”
“Intelligence reports the crystal-powered defense grid is operating at full capacity. Mercury retrograde has temporarily suspended all operations...”
“The Bronze Anzacs shall hold the beachfront at all costs. Surfboard cavalry units are on standby for amphibious counter-attacks...”
SIEGE SUPPLIES: Keep Morale High
VB (Troop Rations) • Penfolds (Officer's Mess) • Bundaberg Rum (Courage Juice)
Was $59.99
$49.00
While stocks last
*Drink responsibly. Do not operate heavy artillery under the influence. Must be 18+ to invade.